Tight, Purple, Short Revolution
For those who aren't categorized as fat, the act of wearing shorts on a hot, humid day is insignificant. It's a normal choice, made plenty of times in the pursuit of comfort or style. Yet for those of us who are plus size, carrying more weight than society has deemed acceptable, it's an act of revolutionary joy and self-acceptance.
There's a particular pair of purple gym shorts, I've had since I was in the 9th grade, that was designated as "house" clothes. In my enclosure, safe from the judgemental and prying eyes of the public, I was free to wear anything that tickled my fancy. Short shorts and tank tops were no stranger to me, as long as I stayed inside. Personally, I prefer wearing as little clothing as possible (since clothing on my body is typically restrictive and abrasive). I appreciated how these tight shorts barely cover my butt and rose high enough to meet my belly button. Despite that, I'd clutch my invisible pearls at the mere idea of wearing them outside. All this thigh, flapping and jiggling as my feet hit the ground, for an audience that abhorred fatness? I couldn't think of a more torturous situation to put myself through.
Fast forward five years or so, in full swing of the body positivity movement. After unlearning hatred of my body, I started to reconsider how I wanted to present her. I slowly became more accustomed to the thought of dressing like the other women on oppressingly hot spring and summer days. I've always noticed how they would be so bold to wear bottoms that exposed the intersection between their leg and ass. My initial reaction of shock (how could she wear something so brave yet controversial?) transformed into envy and admiration. I found myself longing to experience the same freedom of wearing what made me happy. My usual goal of dressing to flatter my body and to look cute was no longer the main priority.
One day, fairly close to laundry day, I decided it was time to unleash my insecurities once and for all. Lately, I'd been experimenting with dressing purely for pleasure instead of for protection from fatphobia but it was still fear-inducing. What if my fatness dominated my overall appearance? What if it looks unappealing and unflattering? What if I regret it when it's too late to change? I took a deep breath and remembered a piece of advice that Imani Yvonne (Actual Black Mermaid on Twitter and Instagram) had given: what is anyone gonna do, beat me up? I realized just how silly this fear was. I was inflating my own limiting thoughts into a huge monster that represented a societal consequence for making the wrong wardrobe choice. No one else was stopping me but I. I was damn tired of being in my own way.
Walking around, I received plenty of stares. I even got annoyed with having to repeatedly stop and readjust the inner shorts from creeping into my crotch when I walked but it was all worth it. I reclaimed my body as my own. I declared others' opinions of my body as their own problem for them to deal with. I finally got to savor a warm breeze on my bare thighs while I was out running errands. But the sweetest taste of all was raising my middle fingers to society's expectation of how fat bodies should dress by wearing my "inside" short purple gym shorts outside.
There's a particular pair of purple gym shorts, I've had since I was in the 9th grade, that was designated as "house" clothes. In my enclosure, safe from the judgemental and prying eyes of the public, I was free to wear anything that tickled my fancy. Short shorts and tank tops were no stranger to me, as long as I stayed inside. Personally, I prefer wearing as little clothing as possible (since clothing on my body is typically restrictive and abrasive). I appreciated how these tight shorts barely cover my butt and rose high enough to meet my belly button. Despite that, I'd clutch my invisible pearls at the mere idea of wearing them outside. All this thigh, flapping and jiggling as my feet hit the ground, for an audience that abhorred fatness? I couldn't think of a more torturous situation to put myself through.
Fast forward five years or so, in full swing of the body positivity movement. After unlearning hatred of my body, I started to reconsider how I wanted to present her. I slowly became more accustomed to the thought of dressing like the other women on oppressingly hot spring and summer days. I've always noticed how they would be so bold to wear bottoms that exposed the intersection between their leg and ass. My initial reaction of shock (how could she wear something so brave yet controversial?) transformed into envy and admiration. I found myself longing to experience the same freedom of wearing what made me happy. My usual goal of dressing to flatter my body and to look cute was no longer the main priority.
One day, fairly close to laundry day, I decided it was time to unleash my insecurities once and for all. Lately, I'd been experimenting with dressing purely for pleasure instead of for protection from fatphobia but it was still fear-inducing. What if my fatness dominated my overall appearance? What if it looks unappealing and unflattering? What if I regret it when it's too late to change? I took a deep breath and remembered a piece of advice that Imani Yvonne (Actual Black Mermaid on Twitter and Instagram) had given: what is anyone gonna do, beat me up? I realized just how silly this fear was. I was inflating my own limiting thoughts into a huge monster that represented a societal consequence for making the wrong wardrobe choice. No one else was stopping me but I. I was damn tired of being in my own way.
Walking around, I received plenty of stares. I even got annoyed with having to repeatedly stop and readjust the inner shorts from creeping into my crotch when I walked but it was all worth it. I reclaimed my body as my own. I declared others' opinions of my body as their own problem for them to deal with. I finally got to savor a warm breeze on my bare thighs while I was out running errands. But the sweetest taste of all was raising my middle fingers to society's expectation of how fat bodies should dress by wearing my "inside" short purple gym shorts outside.
Comments
Post a Comment