Death Reaction and Legacy | Live for Your Death

-


In the era of "Be nice for what?" and ultimate pettiness, people often forget about death reaction and legacy. I always notice how people respond when the news crew interviews the neighbors and family members of the recently deceased. "So and so was so nice, they were the nicest person in the entire class." "I remember one time it was raining and they took the shirt off their back just to keep me dry." "They were the sweetest, most loving, most considerate person in the family." "They were my favorite coworker, they brought cookies and sunshine into the office every single day." Perhaps the good really do die young. But the bad will always surface on social media, where death reaction and legacy lives forever.



Empathy or emotional intelligence transcends politics. The way you treat people matters. It will always come back to haunt you. Someone may not remember the details of what happened but they will remember how you made them feel. Negative events are recalled more accurately than positive ones. I still remember the name of my elementary school bully! The name Quentin has forever been ruined for me. Have you ever had a break up in a particular place? I will reroute my trip just to avoid that negative association. If names and locations can carry bad memories, consider what your presence holds.

Death doesn't erase the harm caused in life. It doesn't erase the victims or the trauma. Part of being human is making mistakes. But each mistake is a lesson. As a community, we must be aware of how we affect others. Forgiveness is not a virtue. It is not a gift to give to those who do harm. It is a process for the victim to heal.

As one of my subscribers said, "Hurt people hurt people". Trauma begets trauma. We can make sure to limit the hurt we cause. Self-care, introspection, and therapy are tools to live our best lives. Communicate how you feel. Practice compassion for others and yourself. Live with empathy, so you can die with confidence. We can't control death reaction or legacy but we can anticipate it.


Like, Comment, Share, Subscribe.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Misogynoir but Make it Concern

-
Image
I put my hand on the doorknob and looked up to see him, loading clothes into a machine. My mouth gravitated toward the ground as I stepped inside the laundry room. He was trying to make small talk with me; I kept my replies short and distant. “I’ve been going through a lot right now. Whenever you need someone, it’s like they're never there. It’s a shame.” “Right.” “You know the rent's due today and I haven’t been able to pay it.” “I’m sorry to hear that.” “Yeah so if you ever want to talk about any problems going on, I know you have your own stuff to worry about, you can always stop by. We are neighbors.” “I’ll keep that in mind.” If there’s anything that every man of any race has, it’s the nerve and the audacity. Part of me thinks this was a deliberate scheme yet that probably gives him too much credit. But what else could explain him asking me to perform emotional (possibly other forms of) labor right after stirring up trouble for m...
Read more

When the Abused Become Abusers

-
Image
Remember when you were a little kid and you saw a classmate taking a nap during class? Feeling envious, you lay your head down on your desk and close your eyes. Suddenly the teacher taps you on the shoulder and reprimands you for not paying attention. "But so and so was sleeping during class!" I don't know if it's a part of black culture, but many of us have heard our parents/authority figures respond, "Don't be a tattletale. I caught you so you're being held responsible." The rush of anger would take over as so and so smugly smiles, satisfied that they got away with it. I've always been anal about fairness and justice so I would simmer. "If the first person escaped punishment, then so should I." This pattern repeated itself throughout schooling and my interactions with people. It even reared its ugly head as a defensive mechanism in the context of social justice. After I read and personally observed a lot of microaggr...
Read more

Jozen Cummings and Performative Feminism

-
Image
Like many people, before Gina Roco dropped her version of why she ended her planned wedding and engagement to the author of the blog Until I Get Married , I haven't heard of Jozen Cummings. Most people who knew of them, are shocked to hear the reason behind the erupt end of their relationship. From the outside, it seemed healthy and loving, with him consistently shouting out Gina as his beloved girlfriend. From his social media to panels he was a part of, Jozen let the world know that he proudly claimed her as his partner. He even developed a reputation for being a genuine man, giving other bachelors advice on how to avoid giving in to toxic masculinity. So why were we all blindsided to find out that he betrayed Gina by having unprotected sex with another woman? I want to emphasize that I'm not too familiar with Cummings. This isn't about him personally. He's just the most current public example of a specific type of man that many women have and will have to deal...
Read more